SEND IASS - Top tips for meetings factsheet

Meetings can seem scary. Things you don't understand, words that go over your head and not knowing what you have a right to say or ask for. To help with these common problems, we've put together a collection of tips to help make meetings less stressful and more accessible to you as a parent or carer.

If you have any further questions or would like further support in preparation for or at your meeting, please feel free to give us a call on 01642 527158.

Before the meeting you should:

• talk to the school to be clear on the reason for the meeting and who will be attending
• let the school know beforehand if you have asked an adviser, friend or support worker to support you in the meeting
• take a copy of the SEN Code of Practice or relevant pages from the document - highlight key points to reference to
• make a list or bullet-point your main ideas or arguments to keep you on track
• write down any questions you have
• gather as much relevant evidence as you can, medical or professional reports, diagnosis, previous teacher comments
• set a clear goals for the meeting

During the meeting you should:

• ask if anyone will be taking notes and whether these can be shared
• be realistic - remember, you could be frustrated at something much greater than what the school and or the local authority can control
• don't be afraid to ask questions or for clarifications of terms or abbreviations
• remember that everyone at the meeting is there to support your child
• stay focused on the needs and provision for your child or young person
• go through your list of points and questions with the school and tick them off as they are dealt with
• begin with points which you think will be easily agreed and if you do not reach agreement on some points, it may be worth coming back to them at the end
• be prepared to negotiate
• allow yourself to be engaged in active listening and be clear on what is being said
• allow yourself time to pause and take deep breaths - if you get upset, ask for a time out whilst you leave the room and compose yourself before returning to the meeting
• before you finish, check if you have covered all the points and questions made in your notes
• ensure that any agreed actions are recorded with who is responsible for carrying them out and think how and when will these be reviewed
• if necessary, arrange a date for a review meeting

After the meeting you should:

• email brief notes back to the teacher or SENCO as written evidence of what was agreed at the meeting
• include timescales and ask for the teacher or SENCO to confirm these are accurate - evidence is key
• suggest that a date is set for a review meeting even if it is the next term
• note ways that help you to support your child, while still feeling comfortable
• follow up on agreed actions if necessary
• ask for a copy of the meeting notes and if you disagree with them then make your case to the author so they know
• write a letter of thanks with any agreed actions included if no notes are taken so there is a written record of the meeting outcomes
• keep all paperwork in a file so you can refer to it at a later stage if necessary

I get anxious in meetings and feel intimidated by the school. How can this be helped?

With the school's permission you can bring a friend, or one of our SEND IASS Advisers. Schools are usually fine with this. Having that emotional support may help ease your anxiety. Although school staff can seem intimidating, they are ultimately there to help support your child.

I feel like the school are trying to 'fob me off' or take advantage of my lack of knowledge. What support is available?

With our support, you can educate yourself in the duties and law that schools are bound by. Whether through conversations with our advisers or through reading our factsheets or using the IPSEA website, you can be sure that you have the knowledge to back up your concerns. The school are there to help and support your child, not to hinder their progress. Go into every meeting and interaction positively and proactively.

How do I know the school will do what they agree to?

Unfortunately, you do not, but keeping track of agreed actions and communications will give you something to refer to if you need to chase things up. That is why it is important to get everything in writing. Review meetings are also very helpful to talk about progress since the last meeting and refer to those agreed actions.

Asking questions in meetings about your child can be difficult, especially if you are nervous, angry, or upset. Some meetings may be an emotional experience. Thinking about how to phrase questions ahead of time can make a difference, keep the meeting positive, and set the foundations for a 'working together' relationship. We have included some examples of positive opening questions:

• tell me how well my child is doing in your class?
• what is my child good at?
• what are my child's positive points?
• what do you and others like about my child?

In the following example questions x is used to represent the missing topic of conversation. 

An example of questions showing a willingness to work together are: 

• how can we help my child with improving on x together?
• how can we x?
• what are your thoughts on x?
• it has been suggested that x can be helpful
• can we try x?
• how can I support you in supporting my child?
• I have found x particularly helpful and I wanted to share this in case it's helpful for you too (you know your child best, feel free to share that knowledge)
• my child thinks x may help, would it be worth a try? (your child's view is very important, if they can vocalise what might help this is very useful)

In the following example questions x is used to represent the missing topic of conversation.

An example of questions when seeking clarification about something you don't understand are: 

• what do you mean when you say x?
• how does x relate to my child?
• I am not sure what you mean, please could you put that another way for me?
• let me see if I understand you, do you mean x or x?
• I am not sure how x relates to our discussion please can you explain that to me?
• could you give me an example of what you mean?
• could you give me an example of how that would look?
• could you give me an example of how that will work?
• would x be a good example of that?

In the following example questions x is used to represent the missing topic of conversation. 

An example of questions if the discussion is not moving in the direction you want are: 

• have you considered x? (you can give an idea)
• my understanding is x (especially helpful if you are certain of a fact and want to suggest this in a way that will not create ill feeling)
• I have heard that x can be helpful, could we try that?
• if you can not do x, what could you do instead?

Some top tips for planning your meeting are to:

• note down the topics that you want to cover so you do not leave without the information that you need
• take a notebook and pen so that you can refer to what you wanted to ask and write down anything that will be done as an outcome or an action and who is going to carry that out and when
• consider summarising the actions at the end of the meeting
• take your partner or a friend or family member with you for moral support as they may also be able to help you to keep track of your questions and help you to write down anything that is said in response to your questions

Stockton SENDIASS can help you to prepare for a meeting, and to reflect on the outcomes. If you feel you need more advocacy, one of our advisors may be able to attend the meeting with you as impartial support. For further advice on meetings, you can call 01642 527158.